Cents and Sensibility, Day 29. Tying up loose ends.

It was a day of tying up loose ends.

I wanted to get cracking on the weedy garden this morning. But instead, I chose to sift through my house, gathering items that will hopefully be picked up soon by the one who got away.

It was cathartic. I worked up a sweat before it became swelteringly hot outside, bringing items to the garage. I very lovingly, quietly (it was early) put everything where it needs to be, well outside of my field of vision.

My car is relegated to the driveway until this last bit of closure is done. It's summer, I don't drive much lately, greatly due to this project, so the car is fine in the driveway for the time being.

I feel so much better today. Invigorated. Because I'm not taking it personally.

Next time, things will be different.

Next time, I'll become involved with someone who matches the level of my self-esteem.

And despite the sting of the past few days, my self-esteem has never been better.

That seems counterintuitive.

But it's true.

Because I'm confident that I'm not needy. I'm not defining myself by my ability to attract someone who will validate me.

I'm not insecure.

Today, I feel strong. Capable.

And like so many days that have become Cents and Sensibility, there was no gas burned, no money spent, with the exception of a bit of sweat equity.

And as for the project, I have two days to go before I'll be intermittently updating. I've decided my family has established a very strong core of discretion when it comes to spending money, spending time. But I'll go into that tomorrow, and the next day.

Then I'll take a well-deserved break.

From so many things.

Cents and Sensibility, Day 28. I went to a garden party.

And it was crowded.

Just a week or two ago, I spent a fruitful afternoon on my hands and knees, picking weeds in my garden. With each pluck, I hoped I wasn't pulling something I'd recently planted.

Because, with all my good intentions, I didn't do much thinking about where I planted stuff.

I pulled what looked like weeds, but not unlike other areas of my life, I didn't really do much thinking when it came to what got planted where. I just wanted to get it planted. Get it done. Then I'd sit back and watch the fruitful outcome of my good intentions.

I simply figured I'd just be able to tell the difference, once everything started growing.

Not so simple.

Tending to the garden has been a challenge, and it's by my design, due to my poor planning.

Because look at what I've got going on. Quite a weed party. Uninvited guests.

I think I know what I'll be doing early tomorrow morning, before the heat takes hold.

There are some redemptive elements to the garden, something that will provide quantifiable nourishment, if I can find my way past the weeds.

Just a few weeks ago, I planted zucchini. The plant looked like such a wallflower back then.

But time, sun, water and an inherent weed-like constitution has made this sorry little plant the life of the party.

I can almost taste the zucchini bread.

There are other key players that have decided to show up to this wildly disorganized garden party, despite the temporary early admission of a few unsavory types.

There's more arugula than I and everyone I know could possibly consume.

I've ritualistically plucked the flowering tops off of each plant almost every morning, which obviously has resulted in the spread of this tasty, peppery delight.

Same goes for the lettuce. As I mentioned earlier, I had a few uninvited by very welcome guests to this year's garden - most conspicuously, the lettuce. There's nothing like a salad made with fresh greens.

So to recap: I know I need to be the bouncer tomorrow morning, putting some muscle into playing the tough guy. Thinning the herd.

Some unsavory elements will just have to go.

It's the necessity of every decent garden party. Inviting the right combination of guests to create something healthy, something good.

Cents and Sensibility, Day 27. Pick a holiday and celebrate. Have a good time.

After the crapfest that was yesterday, I needed a Peasants Feast. Tonight couldn't have come at a better time.

Because the incredulity and sadness of yesterday slid into lassitude today. I wanted to be surrounded by familiar, jovial distractions today, made manifest in the form of people I love, eating food, laughing and catching up.

My mood started perking up when I snipped the tags off my FBR (full-blown retail) clothing that I bought yesterday. It became more elevated when I slapped a new coat of paint on my face, and got things set for this week's Feast.

The theme this week? Holiday food. We're skipping next week's Feast because of the holiday (July 4), and we'll most likely skip the next one, because both kids will be at UNC.

So I thought it would be fun for folks to bring items from their favorite holiday. Any holiday.

I encouraged people to get as creative as they wanted with their holiday food selections. From the traditional Christmas celebration to National Talk Like a Pirate Day, anything was all good.

And it was all good. The food and the company.

As for the food, we Feasted on a Thanksgiving turkey Logan brined for a few days and cooked today. The house still smells like home.

Stefan's choice to honor a northern Colorado holiday of celebrating Nothing was the most nihilistic offering of the evening. He proudly brought nothing.

My dad and his groove thing Vel brought Boxing Day Australian treats. Aussie bites and Australian coffee . Lois brought a sweet potato casserole that was everyone's favorite, hands down. Sue and James brought pasta salad,

Gigi brought a tasty potato salad. Susan Brown and John brought New Year's champagne. Christmas cookies. Halloween candy. Fourth of July pies. It was all on the table.

And there was a spate of time tonight when a contingent of the group headed to the back yard for some frisbee action.

I didn't get enough face-time with everyone, but I can say that my favorite conversations tonight were with Christine and Sue. Everyone was a willing chatterbox, though.

It was a truly lovely evening; one we won't attempt to replicate for a few weeks.

I feel the need for socialization, so I made a few plans with some people. I have no particular affinity to the fourth of July as a holiday, per se, but I do somehow feel an obligation to do something.

That seems to have been taken care of.

My zany friends have no idea how much they're appreciated.

As for the earlier part of the day, I worked from home, then did some prep, then some relaxing.

I felt a bit of an emancipation celebration tonight, because I know I'm stronger than I sometimes think I am. More capable.

More willing to let things go.

Cents and Sensibility, Day 26. Retail therapy sheds a ray of sunshine on a crappy day.

I had a feeling something was up.

My relationship had been hitting rocky skids for the past few months. But somewhere in my cerebellum I thought we'd be able to fix things up, eventually.

Both of us had said it was over at different times, and one or the other of us would wind up extending an olive branch.

I thought this was one of those times, because he said he'd fight for me.

Even last Saturday night when we got together, I had a teeny shred of hope.

I talked with him today, and he let me know that he'd 'committed to another relationship.'

When just three days ago he asked if I wanted to go out.

I usually don't do this much self exposure, but today completely and totally sucked.

So after some coaxing, I was convinced to do something very therapeutic on days like today; something completely counter to my project.

I went shopping.

I can't even remember the last time I paid retail for an article of clothing.

The last time I went shopping, I didn't buy anything. Because the size I squeezed into was a bit bigger than I chose to willingly put in my closet.

Today, thankfully (wouldn't it have completely added insult to injury if I'd have gone up a few sizes?), I actually headed down the sizing chart. Blame it on my recent interpersonal ennui. Maybe it can simply be attributed to summer heat and the season's profusion of fresh fruit.

Whatever the source, I bought three items today, and each was at least a size smaller than I tried on the last time I shopped. The completely cool item on the left is two sizes smaller than what I refused to buy last fall, the last time I went shopping.

So I had a redemptive afternoon, completing a very overdue Retail Therapy session. It was the one part of today that felt good. I slid easily into - and out of - a few things that will become very familiar.

It would be lovely if my relationships were so easy to change.

I guess it's easy for some people.

Cents and Sensibility, Day 25. Kind of blue.

Despite the fact that I have to work tomorrow at 8 am, I'm leaving soon to head downtown to El Chapultapec, to see my friends play some blues.

Shawn and her husband Chris were here for dinner tonight, and they left recently to set up.

I'm hoping a bunch of folks I know will be there when I get there.

Because I'm going by myself, to a neighborhood I wouldn't have gone to alone a couple of decades ago.

Back then, El Chapultapec was the place every hot blues and jazz musician played, and that legacy stands. Add a baseball field and a bunch of fancy bars, and the neighborhood's become a bit gentrified.

But El Chapultapec remains true to its roots. And it's even better when you know the band.

It's a great place to play, according to my friends. And it's a great place to hear live music.

I must go! I need to dig up $10 for parking. No cover.

A cheap night out. No doubt I'll be sleep deprived tomorrow.

A small price to pay to see my friends play some blues.

Just what the doctor ordered.

Cents and Sensibility, Day 24. Disconnecting.

After yesterday's spending spree (which is so much more pleasant than its counterparts crime- and shooting-), I brought myself back to the quiet, inexpensive world of Staying Home today.

I started with a walk to Ace Hardware. I wanted to get some ideas on what colors I should paint my kitchen and living room, and I had a Netflix movie to return.

I didn't walk alone today. I had my reliable friend iPhone with me, and I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts.

I was hooked in when I went way in the back of Ace to drop off the dvd at the post office. I was expecting the regular Friday postal person, so I didn't bother to disengage from my podcast. The regular Friday person is a stern, humorless sort who, despite my attempts at making a connection, and regardless of my very frequent visits, continues to ask for my driver's license when I use my debit card.

So imagine my glee when I saw Wanda behind the counter! As you might recall, I blogged about my cool friend Wanda a few months ago http://paradigmthrift.blogspot.com/2011/04/you-can-take-girl-out-of-manhattan-but.html.

I disengaged from my iPhone and quickly apologized for being so antisocial the minute I saw Wanda. We had a great catch-up chat. And part of our conversation included my admission that I've become very fond of the magical rectangular device that's my phone, radio, news source, camera, so much more.

I admitted to Wanda that I think I've become a bit too attached, actually. Wanda wasn't judgmental - she very simply said that once she gets home from work, she just likes to listen to the ambient sounds of what's around her. The birds, the neighborhood, the silence.

Taking a tip from Wanda, I did a bit of disconnecting today. Instead of deferring to my phone the minute I had a chunk of alone time, I opted for listening to what was going on in my noggin. I reverted back to the person I was a handful of years ago, when this disengagement wasn't quite so compelling and easy.

And this day became a double-bonus. I didn't spend any money, and I didn't fill my head with distractions.

Oh! Actually, today was a triple-bonus. I spent most of the day cleaning my house, moving furniture around, getting ready for company. I think I'm ready.

Is there such a thing as a quadruple-bonus? If there is, I got one today.

Because in addition to some silence, some productivity and some free time, I got to spend a bit of my morning with Wanda.

Cents and Sensibility, Day 23. I made dinner. Which proves that everything's better with sriracha.

I did the cooking tonight. Very uncharacteristic. Sometimes, despite my track record for creating bland, uninteresting dishes, I feel there might be hope.

I started by cooking egg noodles. I defrosted a melange of frozen vegetables. Once the noodles and the veggies were done, I heated up some leftover chicken marinara sauce Logan made last week.

In goes the veggies, plop goes the noodles.

Stir it all up, and voila! A fabulous experiment in relatively bland cooking.

But virtually everything's better with the spicy-hot goodness of a few squirts of sriracha.

Everyone's elsewhere tonight, so I ate my noodle veggie dish while watching Breaking Bad.

It's all good.

As for the earlier part of the day, I went to an estate sale, bought a Burger King cheeseburger phone a la Juno (a mere $5), finally, after 23 days, I bought gas to the tune of $41, I had lunch with a friend ($10), bought Logan some dance gear ($26), enjoyed tea at Tres Jolie in downtown Littleton ($13), bought two birthday cards at Details (one for Robin and one for Anne - 7.50. What's up with that? Two birthday cards for 7.50?). This was an expensive day, but it was worth every penny.

Because a bit more attention was paid today.

A scant few weeks ago, I'd have thought nothing about the level of spending I did today.

I think I'm gaining a bit of perspective.

And based on tonight's dinner, I defer to Logan whenever possible when it comes to cooking.

Thank god for sriracha.