It's in the bag.

I think men design purses. And bras.

Because it's so hard to find a purse, or a bra for that matter, that meets my particular criteria.

In this forum, I'll focus on the purse conundrum. Taking the discussion of bras down to the annoying minutia may be indelicate to the more non-bra-wearing constituents of my audience.

In my discussion of purses, men who may be reading can insert the image of a toolbox and they'll probably be able to affiliate.

In my salad days, I'd buy a Coach or a Dooney for a couple hundred bucks without giving it a second thought. But times change, don't they?

But purses never seem to change. They can create a device that fits in the palm of my hand that has more technology than the Apollo space program yet they can't design a purse that makes it easy to find a pen.

There used to be purses that were advertised on tee vee that had ninety bajillion compartments, and were touted to be the only purse you'd ever want. Those purses may have been practical, but they were butt-ugly.

The Coaches and Dooneys are beautiful, and the ones I own have a longer life span than I do. They're worth the money, definitely, but those high-end bags sometimes look larger than they are in reality. So a Coach may look generously sized, but fill it with your stuff and you run out of room by the time you get to your sunglasses.

So there's size, compartmentalization capacity, color, shape, design - it makes the head spin, does it not?

Personally, I like a purse that opens in such a way so that I can see the bounty of my belongings. I hate a purse with a small opening that compels me to dig down to the bottom and extract other items to find my gum or keys.

So I went the ARC on Broadway one day, and strolled by the purses.

I found the one in the picture, above, and it met all of my criteria. It's made of leather, beautifully lined, with convenient zippered compartments and a place for my cell phone.

And it was 6.99.

I brought it to an improv class I was taking. Most of the people in my class were decades younger and eons hipper than me. Natalie took a look at my purse and, with a deep intake of breath and just a touch of envy, said, "You have a TOD'S?????"

I had no idea. To me, I had a purse that fit my criteria.

When I got home, I searched the internet for this style, and found my 6.99 Tod's purse retails for $1,300.

Crazy.

Thoughts ran through my head about the person who put this purse in the discard pile. I sounded like a Jewish mother in my head: What, that purse isn't good enough for you that you give it to the thrift store? You think you deserve, what, a purse made out of solid gold? That purse is worth good cash money, and you don't like it why? Because it's beige? Shlemiel.

The woman who owned the Tod's before I did may have received the purse as a gift, may have known its worth but didn't like its style.

But I love it. I bet a woman designed this purse, despite the red herring of being a Tod's. I love how I can open up the sides and see everything without digging. And best of all, it's not a knock-off! It's the real deal.

And what a deal it was.

I'm such a mensch.